1. |
To My Fantasy
01:27
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I am running out of air
Trying to keep my pace with you
Holding words you left for me
I am losing what I thought
Would be the best I can be
Living up to fantasy
I don’t want to stay alone
I don’t want another debt that needs repaying
I don’t want to live a lie
I want some time to be proud
I want happiness but
I am running out of time
Trying to keep my faith that you
Believe in what you said to me
What I want I have lost
Just a simple life to lead
Living up to fantasies
Is this all my fantasy
Is this all?
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2. |
The Wallflower Optimist
03:18
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How many times
You’ve seen it play out that
They don’t care about you
They only want what’s best (for them)
If you had
A nickel for every
Are you sure and are you sane and
Every fucking mark
On your skin
You’d have been
Rolling in the dough, surrounded held and
Crushed under the weight
This isn’t fair
It never was for you
There has never been a thing
Presented but the door
So wake up cold
Every piece is freezing
Comfort has been stolen and is
Rubbed right in your face
Work your hardest
You work your hands right off and
This world will push you down and leave you
Right back to square one
But there ain’t
No home to go to
Not with homophobes and racists and the
Transphobes swinging fists
Some call mom
Some call dad
Some call anyone or anybody
A thousand miles away
But sometimes all you have is
A voice to use and feet to move
So I’m hoping they still work
And sometimes you lose yourself
Sometimes you run away
But I hope you’ll get a break from all this shit
Please be safe
I know it’s hard
And I can’t help you out or save you
I’m just a wallflower somewhere
Try and fight it
Know that I believe
You’ll be happier someday
And I hope it is coming soon
I believe in you
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3. |
The Covers
02:30
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I was young and I hear a noise creak
So I strain my ears until I can hear
Is it a monster or a demon
Or someone who lives with me now
Fighting late until it’s no longer nighttime
And the monsters are here and they’re under my bed
Everything is fine, just fine
So the demons are here and they’re under my bed
Everything is fine, just fine
I just scream and I scream and I scream and I scream
Everything is fine, just fine
I’ll sleep underneath my covers and just crawl under the covers
I’m just crying under cover all the night
I grew some then the house comes alive
And it eats anyone left inside
Now you can’t run no you can’t hide
No not a single place is fine now
As the house fills up with smoke and alcohol
And the monsters are here and they’re inside the house
Everything is fine, just fine
And the demons are here now they’re inside the house
Everything is fine, just fine
So I just cry and I cry and I cry and I cry
Everything is fine, just fine
I’ll sleep underneath my covers and just get under my covers
I’m just punching pillows late into the night
Someday I’ll be sleeping alone and
Scared something’s there
Scared of the silence
I still get anxious and afraid and I’ll still hide until the pain stops
From the people who mean more than the world
Such a stupid girl
So no monsters are here and they won’t be again
And nothing is fine just fine
So no demons are here no they never appeared
And nothing is fine just fine
I just freeze and I freeze and I freeze and I freeze
And nothing is fine just fine
So I’ll just get under my covers
I’ll get deep under my covers
I’ll lay underneath the covers
Pass out right under the covers
Cry and pray under the covers
Hear the screaming under covers
I’ll just dive under the covers, so goodnight
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4. |
Majesty
03:52
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She was my French Queen
Falling apart at the seams
Her clothes on the floor of the parlor
She was my French Queen
I’m sinking to desperate things
While I count the ones that will follow
And the 16th he will know
When he’s finally lost his reign
Faulty pleasantries have dulled
Moments falling down like rain
Deeds of many people shown
Lost lives scatter leaving pain
A scene is pressed upon your soul
But nothing beautiful remains
I’m leaving her behind
He was my French king
I’m mumbling through our scenes
As I broke down, knees in the fallow
He was my French king
An answer to everything
But everything sounds just as hollow
I no longer stand by him
But I wish that he was here
Simple prayers such as this
Can’t erase me of my fear
Deeds of many people show
Lost lives scatter leaving pain
A scene is pressed upon your soul
But nothing beautiful remains
I’m leaving him
They were my majesty
And now they’ve been guillotined
Nothing matters
When you’re gone
You were my French queen
And you my French king
They were my majesty
Why did I leave
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5. |
Freezer Cigarettes
04:43
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Coffee tastes like soap again
As we drive along the street
I stare at the people pass
Through lives I won’t ever meet
I wait as the traffic stops
Take turns we’re left turning to
Highways never leading home
Exit signs
Unable to refuel my heart
So here’s a first in a while
Lies starting to be revealed
We tryst in a hotel room
And part again, lips sealed
Get on to the road again
My companion shows himself
Not much help along the way
When he’s gone
Left me to haunt my memories
I can’t find my heart beat slowly dies
All I do is drink and repeat it
The city melts and will fall
We fail and we fail again
Heartache and to no surprise
A bullet shoots to an end
Coffee and a freezer cig
Snuck feelings and old regrets
And a chance I’d make it through
Someday soon
Missing him won’t hurt me so much
I fall down and lose myself
I don’t know how to face them
Cry and lie there shaking cold
Cause I know
I know you will never come home
I know you will never come home
I know I will never come home
I know I will never come home
I know we will never be home
I know we will never be home
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6. |
Hell Frozen Over
03:21
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Gone from the only one
To a city made out of ashes
Purina plant smell in the air and
I just don't even care
I don't want to
Spend my life here
I wonder sometimes if it's too late
Has hell frozen over am
I just stuck here
Nobody gets me here
I'm suffocating myself while he’s gone
I’m at home wasting the air away
With The Pillows and The Art of Drowning
I don't want to
Spend my life here
I wonder sometimes if it's too late
Has hell frozen over am
I just stuck here
Hide away
In the basement
Never go out unless I have to
Playing games
Stolen glasses
Fantasy is only somewhat finite
I don't want to spend my life here
I wonder sometimes if it's too late
Hell frozen over and I’m just stuck here
Don’t want to spend the rest of my life here
Hell frozen over and yeah I’m stuck here
Don’t want to end my life here
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7. |
Skipping Ponds
02:16
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Step into the triangles eye
Gaze waiting to respond
You are no longer as good
Just small fry in big ponds
Get through the days with regrets
Like so many have before
You have a goal to be prodigious
Yes that’s what you’re here for
What are you
Trying to prove
Especially with your failing mind
What are you
Trying to lose
Is your past something to hide
Get past the training and start the job
Cause who can afford to wait
Everyone there telling kids
Grow up don't share this fate
You quit once the stress piles up
And you’re finding you won’t mend
Going through the motions now
Why won’t this bitterness end
Go head out to other shores
Go skip to another pond
Cause what else are you good or for
But choosing another bond
Can't sleep before you try to fight
Flung head first to the wall
Try to rest a little and you’re
Comatose through it all
Wake to knocking at the door
His sins are no surprise
Hide yourself as best you can
From violating eyes
What are you
Trying to prove
Especially with your failing mind
What are you
Trying to lose
Is your past something to hide
What are you
Trying to prove
Especially with no one in sight
What are you
Trying to lose
Take your
Heart bury
It deep and
Let it just
Die
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8. |
Life's Unseen
03:26
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You're finding out that life's got little left to see
Along the road you've mapped out all your fantasies,
Then threw it to
The empty, haunting passenger's seat
It's taken all you have to keep it from the floor
Your dreams have froze with snow you let in through the door
And soak into
Your socks and toes bent praying for some heat
What's the point? Can't change your tattered jeans
What's the point? Forgot the gas & antifreeze
What's the point? Maybe you're really just a teen
Hopeless thankless life's unseen
You leave your car along the shoulder of the road
It's just another tow left outside in the cold
So you walk on
Like a mutt you're looking for a home
Your phone is shaking hard just like when you were ten
Your friends are walking out, your family’s gone ahead
But that’s all gone
It's her name you see before you throw
What's the point? Can't change these memories
What's the point? You feel like just another sleaze
What's the point? If you've only ever been
Hopeless thankless life's unseen
If you touch me just like you used to do
I would not tell you I hate you (yeah you)
But I'll be found face first in the snow
Angel you will never know
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9. |
Is This All
01:25
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I am running out of air
Trying to keep my pace with you
Holding words you left for me
I am losing what I thought
Would be the best I can be
Living up to fantasies
I don’t want to stay alone
I don’t want another debt that needs repaying
I don’t want to live a lie
I want some time to be proud
I want happiness but
I am running out of time
Trying to keep my faith that you
Believe in what you said to me
What I want I have lost
Just a simple life to lead
Living up to fantasies
Is this all my fantasy?
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10. |
Striking Back
05:35
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Woke up crying today
Daylight peers through a basement window
Stomach upset again
My shoulders wrecked I'm scared I'm tired
But I know this is my defense
A bad operation built into my skull yeah
But I’ll throw it away
And nothings gonna stop me come hell or high water
Cause I’ve got my own name now
And they can't take it from me
Yeah I've got these words for you
I'm finally getting happy
This world is hell this world is tumbling down
But we've got each other now
And nothing’s gonna stop us
Another painful phone call
Another you don't sound like you don't look like
Another day I just float,
But it’s okay I’m striking back so
No more days spent alone
And even if we are we’re doing okay now
Every day spent it’s best
And I know if we fail we can still be good
Cause I’ve got my own place now
And they can't take it from me
Yeah I've got these words for you
I'm finally moving forward
This world is hell this world is tumbling down
But we've got each other now
And nothing’s gonna stop us
Wait and I’ll make
All this time
Mean something
This girl will show you that you matter
At least to this girl
Someday I might fall apart
Someday we’ll wake on a beach somewhere and
Hands caressing my neck
These hands that bind us and hurt us stop us
Cause I’ve got my own voice now
And they can't take it from me
Yeah I've got these words for you
I'm finally looking pretty
This world is hell this world is tumbling down
But we've got each other now
And nothing’s gonna stop us
But we've got each other now
And nothing’s gonna stop us
Yeah we've got each other now
And nothing’s gonna stop us
This world is hell this world is tumbling down
But we've got each other now
And nothing’s gonna stop us
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